Bob Hope Quotes

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.

Culture is the ability to describe Jane Russell without moving your hands

People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

If you watch a game it's fun. If you play it it's recreation. If you work at it it's golf.

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.

Over the years, I have been subjected to many indignities, all for the sake of Art. If I ever catch ...

When we recall Christmas past, we usually find that the simplest things - not the great occasions - ...

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think ...

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

I have the perfect simplified tax form for government. Why don't they just print our money with a re...

It you watch a game it's fun. If you play it it's recreation. If you work at it it's golf.

I don't generally feel anything until noon then it's time for my nap.

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, e...

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.

I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.

I was lucky I wasn't a better boxer or that's what I'd be now - a punchy ex-pug.

We had a very successful trip to Russia we got back.

I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for my nap.

If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it.

If you haven't got any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things - not the great occasions - ...

The audience was swell. They were so polite they covered their mouths when they yawned.

I have too much money invested in sweaters.

I do benefits for all religions. ... I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.